The Darkest Nights

In some cases, anxiety can lead (in some people) to depression or to a depressive state, whether that’s temporary or something that lasts a great deal of time. I have fallen several times into that great Hell which is depression, and have had a my fair share of doubt and despair. I’m certain that one of God’s more heavier crosses are those of the afflicted mind.

Since I was my youngest, I’ve had a nervous disposition. When I first began socialising around my friends I developed a tough shell, quite hard to break and as a matter of fact only one person really did manage to break through and see the contents of this emotional egg.

Tonight, this past week, or rather this past month, has been one of the most dismal and heartbreaking chapters I’ve had to deal with. It’s amazing how I can get through the death of those people who raised me, taught me and fed me on the bread of Heavenly truth, without any tears shed. I knew they had not died, but were in Heaven now, having their eternal reward.

Yet any set-back or sudden change can drag me into a river of constant sorrow. I don’t know what the best way to deal with things are. I know that, God, in his infinite wisdom will never give me something that I cannot handle. I know that He alone can see all aspects and sides of a human story. But why is it that I cannot discern for myself when to go north and when to go south?

We’ve been given a rock to guide us and to cling to, and we have been given the Blessed Mother who brings us the Saviour of this fallen world. The saints are there to be our comfort and our aid, the angels to guide us along the paths of life. We’ve got all this, yet I feel so alone and without comfort. I’ve heard of the dark night of the soul but is that exactly what this is?

Whatever the case may be, I’ll keep my prayers to a maximum and I’ll be trying to keep my head up, waiting for this to pass as all things must.


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